A Crash Course on not being a Horrible Customer

I really think everyone should either take a course on how to be a good customer and not piss us off, or spend at least two weeks every two years as a cashier.  However, since that isn't the case, here's a crash course on how to avoid being a horrible customer:

1. A lot of cashiers will say don't talk on your cell phone while you're at the register.  Personally, I really don't care if you do.  I mean, sometimes I have to talk on the phone while I'm ringing you up, which is a real pain in the ass.  I suck at multitasking.  So it's only fair that sometimes you need to be on your cell while I'm ringing you up.  Plus, if you're on your cell phone, that means I don't have to talk to you.  Do you have any idea how tiresome it gets saying the same thing to every customer that comes through my line?

2. If I have to answer the phone while I'm ringing you up, please don't get mad at me.  Believe me, I'd much rather not have to answer it.  But it's either answer it or I get fired.  It's a huge pain for me to talk on the phone and focus on ringing you up at the same time.  I understand if you get frustrated.  Just don't get frustrated with me.

3. One of the best ways to piss me off?  Pay in all change, or hand me a twenty dollar bill for a two dollar total.  Especially on weekends.  We're not a bank.  We're not here to take all your change or give you smaller bills.  We only have so many ones and fives.  And our bank has shorter hours on weekends.  In fact, I don't know why ATMs like to pay in twenties.

3a. To piss me off further, when I ask you if you have any smaller bills, say something along the lines of "Yes, but I don't want to give you those because..."  As aggravating as it may be, it's one thing if it's the only bill you have.  If you tell me that you have smaller bills but refuse to use them, that's just downright ultimate jerkdom to a cashier.  At least lie to me and tell me you don't have smaller bills if you do but don't want to use them.

3b.  If you do give me smaller bills when I ask you if you have anything smaller, I will love you forever.

4. If I ask you if you need a bag, believe me: You DON'T NEED ONE!  Seriously people, you got ONE CARD.  I'm pretty sure you can carry that to your car without a bag.